Cancer does not equal death

When I got home yesterday, Jo said that a good friend was very troubled. An uncle that is very close to the her family was diagnosed with prostate cancer. We talked about this some last night and Jo said aloud "we should not take cancer as a death sentence" . I totally agree. Sadly this is how many feel when they hear a friend or relative or someone very dear has cancer. Honestly Jo and I would have felt the same before Feb 2009.
As I was spending some quiet time this morning, the reflection from the Word Amongst Us for today was to tell our own story to others who need to be strengthen and for ourselves. This prompted me to write this reflection.

Truly when one is told you have cancer, it puts your life in a different perspective. You start to re-look at your priorities and goals. I went through this last year myself. You start to see this sickness as a trial and need perseverance to overcome.
Recall James 1: 2-8

Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. And let perseverance be perfect, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. But if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and he will be given it. But he should ask in faith, not doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed about by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord, since he is a man of two minds, unstable in all his ways.

from the footnote

The sequence of testing, perseverance, and being perfect and complete indicates the manner of attaining spiritual maturity and full preparedness for the coming of Christ These steps require wisdom.
Wisdom: a gift that God readily grants to all who ask in faith and that sustains the Christian in times of trial. It is a kind of knowledge or understanding not accessible to the unbeliever or those who doubt, which gives the recipient an understanding of the real importance of events. In this way a Christian can deal with adversity with great calm and hope .

The person with cancer goes through a trial, needs to persevere and the outcome of this trial is wisdom. key ingredient is Faith! I ask that as family and caregiver, support him and strengthen his faith. Pray for him and journey with him. Don't distress him with your negativeness.

For the person with cancer, need you to 1. do not blame God for the cancer, He did not will this on you (something that you have done/eaten/exposed to has created it) 2. use this sickness as a time to strengthen your Faith and seek Wisdom. 3. Trust in God. No-one lives forever, this life is temporary and our goal is eternal life. I have mentioned this before, the same grapes that we press can turn into sour, unpalatable vinegar or a beautiful vintage wine! the outcome depends on the process and storage. Our outcome also depends on how we go through this process! I rather turn out to be a vintage wine (closeness to God) than a vinegar(angry with the world and God).

I like to close with this thought;

1. Trust in God's faithfulness

2. John 12: 44-47

Jesus cried out and said, "Whoever believes in me believes not only in me but also in the one who sent me, and whoever sees me sees the one who sent me. I came into the world as light, so that everyone who believes in me might not remain in darkness. And if anyone hears my words and does not observe them, I do not condemn him, for I did not come to condemn the world but to save the world.

things is stable

went for my blood test yesterday, the result today showed the CEA marker is stable. reading was 26.6 vs. 25.0 3 weeks ago. it has hovered about 25 and 26plus over the last 9 weeks. I got my dose of Alimta today. Next review will be 15 Dec, will be going for a CT scan on the 14 Dec first. Scan will show the cancer cells and also check on the liver too. Has been coughing but not too bad. Thank you for your continued prayers. I believe that God will bless each of you. Start living today knowing that you are made for heaven, only your free will to sin can take heaven away from you.
Praise the Lord.

21 Oct - Blessings

Source : Shalom Oct issue
Jesus praises those who live responsibly and they will be trusted with a great deal more. We will receive abundant blessings from God, if we put Him at the centre of our lives. Trust in Him and have courage; do not fear the pain and the price of living for Him and serving Him. God will judge each one of us personally according to our circumstances and according to the graces we have received. Each of us has a mission to fulfill in this life. We have to be faithful to this vocation to the end of our lives. We will be judged according to the fruits, which our efforts have done. God has given each of us many gifts and abundant blessings; they are not meant solely for our benefits, but also for others . Thus, we should use them to help bring love, peace and justice to the lives of others .

Jesus concludes His teaching with this consideration: “Everyone to whom much is given, of him will much be required; and of him to whom men commit much they will demand the more.”

How much has the Lord entrusted to us? How many graces has He conferred on others as a result of our lives? How many people are depending on my correspondence with grace?

26 August

Hi everyone, have been quiet for awhile. Have been tired and a little busy with preparation for PRE and Family Life meeting. Went for my 3 weekly blood test and X-ray this morning. I do hope that the results are positive. I have a 9:20am appointment with my oncologist tomorrow. I do pray that the results are positive and that the Alimta continues to be effective. Will update after my review tomorrow. Ask for your prayers.

Holy Spirit church will start it's Parish Renewal Experience(PRE) tomorrow till Sunday. Ask that you pray for the success. Also ask that you pray for Fr. Huan and the presenters, that we allow the Holy Spirit to guide us and not be overly concern about how our sharing will touch or move them. Let the Spirit guide and touch those who needs to hear the message. Please pray for Jo and myself, we will be presenting on Thursday night and Sunday afternoon.

Thank You.

Sharing - fearful and anxious?

We all know how easy it is to complain or grumble, maybe we feel God is holding somethng against us, or we try to blame someone else. We get fearful or anxious that God has abandoned us.
Where do these thoughs come from? From the DEVIL, the accuser, He likes nothing better than to sow division and suspicion. We need to let the memory of God's love and faithfulness push aside the fears and the temptations.
Take some time to let the Holy Spirit refresh your memory. As you continue to read from Exodus this week, reflect on our own lifes. See wether God has been at work, whether it is a physical, spiritual or reconciliation with a family member or unexpected way out of a troubling situation. Rekindled by God's love, you will be more eager to trust and follow him in future.
Recall yesterday's Gospel that Jesus invited his disciples, excited from their recent experience of their mission, to get away for a time to rest (Mark 6:31). Rest in God's love and peace. Refresh yourself and draw nearer to the Father through reconciliation if you have been away.

16 July Update

The review went well today with Dr Kong. The X-ray did not show any difference from 3 weeks ago. The CEA marker was 13.5, he had hoped that it would be 10 this week. Listened to the lungs which was clear, poked about my tummy and said that the liver was ok too.

He is so sharp and ask the right questions, which I did not even considered. He asked if there were any changes over the last 3 weeks in the supplements I was taking, told him that I switched my daily Centrium multivitamins from the one purchased here (made in Canada) to the one made in US which Jo's friend had brought back for me, I also started taking Ocuvite for my eye over the last 2 weeks. He advised me to stop all supplements and just take the daily folic acid for the next 3 weeks.

He wanted to see if the cancer markers will continue on the higher reduction rate or start slowing down. His concern is that cancer cell will over time start to build resistance over the drug/medication, He wanted to know if the cancer cells were starting to build resistance to the Alimta. He would like to continue with Alimta as long as possible before switching to the oral medication. Since Alimta would be a strong medication that can more effectively eradicate the cancer better than oral medication.

Well I am going to listen to the doctor's advise and continue to pray that God will heal me. I personally prefer to take a 10 minute Alimta dose once every 3 weeks than daily oral tablet. We will let the result at the end of 3 weeks (blood test and CT scan) tell us the next step.

(This part is hard for most of us) Dr Kong said that much of the recent studies show that the Vit C, Vit E, multivitamin, etc we take are not necessary as they don't really work, more placebo effects. The body will adjust and the food we take, a balanced diet/meal is sufficient. Guess this is a difficult new information for most of us to agree and accept.

Since he has been such a logical person and his assessments has been correct all these months, I am going to listen and wait for the results after these 3 weeks.
Please pray that I have the patience.

I ask that you pray for me that the cancer cells are not becoming resistant to the medication and that it will continue to work effectively. I trust that God will heal and that He has sent me the doctor and people that will help me on this journey. Thank You Lord.

Next Doctor appointment is on 6 August.

advance news

I could not wait and want to share the good news. Called Dr Kong's clinic and asked the nurse for my cancer marker readings from the blood test. It is still improving but at a slower rate (36% to 15%). I will see the full blood test result and x-ray report tomorrow when I go down to the clinic.

CEA has gone down from 15.8 to 13.5 (range 0-5) and CA125 from 33.2 to 32.7 (range 0-35).

I will post an update after my review tomorrow.

Update 14 May

After 13 weeks, I had the second CT scan done yesterday, review with Dr. Kong was that the cancer tumors are STABLE. They have reduced from the first set of PET scan done on 18 Feb, best case 25% reducution. After 4 chemo cycle of aggressive cancer cell medication and Erbitux, we have concluded that we will not get more mileage from the Cisplatin+Gemzar and Erbitux. Option was to switch to less aggressive cancer medication by Oral or a second line chemo of Alimta. The oral medication will require daily tablet to be taken, with likely skin irritations. Alimta on the other hand is given as a 10 minute drip once in every 3 weeks (compared to the past 6 hours weekly), does not have the skin irritations like the oral nor hair loss(something I will touch on later). Yes, there is no 'limit' to the number of times you can get the Alimta dose, currently the moving record is 29 and counting with a current patient.

In the cancer world, Stable is a good thing. It tells you it is not getting worse!!
These words did not strike me till I had an SMS from my good old pal Tai Tee, who never fails to check with me after every session, he asked if stable is good? I replied yes stable is good. The cancer still limited to the lungs and did not spread to any other organs in the chest and abdomen, liver, stomach etc are clear.

We all agreed to start with Alimta, my first session was done this afternoon. It was a breeze, smaller needle and only 30 minutes in total (preparation and flushing of the tubes including waiting for the vein to clot where the IV was inserted). Will monitor for 2 cycles before we make any changes.

Glad that it is over with the weekly Erbitux doses, had a total of 6 weekly doses. The last 2 weeks, the Erbitus had acted up again. Instead of a fat red nose, the pimple outburst were in my head, it caused lots of irritation on the scalp and also fair amount of hair loss as the outbreaks were happening where the hair roots were. There are a few 'bare' spots, which I carefully brush the remaining hair over. Now I appreciate what the balding man that combs his hair from the back to the front feels. This is payback time for the times I commented on Bro. Philabert's crown and how he combed his hair when I was in Junior College. I look forward to my 'glorious' locks growing back.

The other good news is that I am included in the Conversion Experience Retreat for June 4 to 7. Had a call on Monday and a written confirmation today. Looking forward to the retreat at CSC. Mike Chua has been telling me how great an experience it was for him and promoted it everyone he knew. Must have been the grace of God that I managed to squeeze in this June session.

For everyone praying for me Thank You and God's Peace be with you. I can't wish you anything better. It was a bumpy ride the last 1 week, but I am glad that it is past and I start to feel more positive again.

Thank You Connie Shan and her family for the delicious beef rendang, shepherd pie and cheese pasta over the past 3 weeks.

I thank also my wife, Jo, for being there, trying her best to figure what to do with me and anticipating what I look forward to eating. I like her to look forward to better days....

Any red meat lovers out there; take it from me, after 13 weeks of two red meat meals a day, a steak is a steak, The meat will all taste the same however you season & cook it, whichever cut(sirloin, ribeye, tenderloin...) or type of cow (US black Angus, Australia Black Angus, Grass fed, Organic ...) you are eating.

Thank You and will post more updates...

How are you today 6 May 09

Hello everyone, wish that everyone had a restful Labour Day last weekend. It was a slow weekend and thankfully so. Just wanted to let everyone know I am Ok and will be going for my Erbitux tomorrow. Can't wait for next week to review the results of the scan on how things have progressed over the last 12 weeks. Thank each of you for your support and prayers throughout this time. Over the last week, my digestion has slowed down, it takes longer to digest my meals and many days I get the 'indigestion' feeling in my tummy after meals. I pray this goes away.

Thank you Father for my son Gerard, he sent me this encouragement and a love you note on Monday night when I was feeling rather tired and 'indigested'.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIAdgLR1ZGw&feature=related

Thank God for the wonderful downpour this morning. it freshen the day, though it must have made sending the kids to school a problem. I want to leave you with a reflection from yesterday " Lord, you know that there are still area where I struggle. So I ask you to give me the grace to press on in knowing you and surrendering myself to you. Lord, I believe, help my unbelief."

Praise the Lord

2 things I need to be thankful

1. the pimples have subsided, I asked the nurse if there is something that I could use to help ease the outbreak. She went in and gave me the last sample pack from Erbitux. It contained Cepaphil face wash, moisturizer and desonide Desowen Cream. After 2 days of use, my nose has returned to it's normal size and no outbreaks. It is such a relief, after 3 weeks of tenderness !!! (what a baby complaining. well there are som who said that I look better now.)

2. the message today

Have no Fear - Faith: In today’s Gospel, Jesus, the Risen Lord appeared to His disciples who were living in fear and in the uncertainty of what had happened to Him after His death. If we dare to entrust our lives wholly to Jesus’ promise of everlasting life, we will have nothing to fear; only the true hope that Jesus will always be there for us.

As Christians, we are called to do God’s Will and spread Jesus’ message of eternal Salvation and God’s unconditional love for all peoples .
All we have to do is to respond as best and as generously as we can. God will grant us the gifts and abilities that are needed to accomplish the tasks we are to do for Him .
God will ‘work with us’ and will always look out for us. Hence, though the task of spreading God’s word may seem daunting, we should remember that God will never abandon us, and that everything will be done well .

Cycle 4

Had a review with Dr. Kong yesterday. We will continue with cycle 4 chemo with Erbitux. At the end a CT scan will be carried out and depending on the improvement or lack of, we will stay with present chemo if we see 30-40% reduction , else it is confirmed that they are slow growing, less aggressive cell and will switch treatment to ALIMTA, one 10 minute dose every 3 week to reduce the cell and then switch to an oral tablet Tarceva
(ALIMTA is a treatment for malignant pleural mesothelioma (MPM), which is a cancer that affects the inside lining of the chest cavity. ALIMTA is given with cisplatin, another anticancer medicine (chemotherapy) when surgery is not an option.)

Yesterday was a long day, Vincent gave me a lift to the doctor. got to the clinic and saw the doctor about 10am. The xray comparison showed some improvement on the edges of the lungs but no reduction in the main mass in the lower middle portion. The cancer markers were up again. I have been feeling well over the last 4 weeks and we decided to go with cycl 4. Started chemo about 10.45am finished about 4.30pm. was a long time sitting on a chair. but the chair is comfortable enough to doze and wake up. IPOD helps to listen to music to relax and a good book too. My sister Nancy came yesterday and she got me a Big Mac for lunch. It must have been a long day. She sat with me the last hour and we talked.

Had dinner out last night with Jo and Nicole, Gerard had guard duty and Brian late evening class. Had a surprise visitor last night, Fr Johnson. He attended the memorial mass for Fr Paul Staes eldest brother at Holy Spirit and stopped over for a visit.. We had a good talk and caught up with what's happening and also the progress of the new church in Pasir Ris. He sure has big things to worry about.

Jo and I were very glad that Fr. Johnson stopped by to visit. Thank You.

Thanks to all who are praying for us, we will forever be grateful.

Praise the Lord.

Reflection - 15 April 2009 unlock inner meaning

From Shalom Wed 15 April Reflection

When we ask for something the result is often quite unexpected. The crippled man was expecting alms, but Peter had neither silver nor gold for the crippled man. He had something far more valuable: healing in the name of the Lord Jesus. God gives us what we need, not necessarily what we want.

The two heartbroken disciples on the road to Emmaus were broken and depressed. They wanted answers. Jesus — His appearance masked — walked beside them playfully asking questions. They related their painful tale. They had high hopes for Jesus the wonderful prophet — all dashed when he was arrested and crucified. They had even heard of the empty tomb but at this point it meant nothing to them.

Jesus, exasperated by their inability to understand, patiently unlocks the inner meaning of the Scriptures to show them that it was absolutely necessary for the Messiah to suffer and die in order to enter into his glory. This was the stumbling block for early Christians — how could the Messiah suffer and die? It is also a problem for us sometimes — why do believers suffer and struggle? Luke makes it clear that the passion of Jesus was not just an accident but part of the divine plan. And so it is with us: Jesus walks unrecognized beside us to unlock not only the inner meaning of scripture but also the hidden levels of our own lives. Our own struggles are not meaningless, but prepare us to enter into God’s glory.

Lord, let my sufferings teach me compassion and humility.