31 August morning prayer

When Jo and I said our morning prayer, Jo told me that the Canticle today was the same as the last time in July when I went for the head MRI. Again today I will be going for my head and spine MRI. I do not believe in co-incidences and will claim this message today.

Isaiah Chapter 38
In those days, when Hezekiah was mortally ill, the prophet Isaiah, son of Amoz, came and said to him: "Thus says the LORD: Put your house in order, for you are about to die; you shall not recover." Then Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the LORD: "O LORD, remember how faithfully and wholeheartedly I conducted myself in your presence, doing what was pleasing to you!" And Hezekiah wept bitterly. Then the word of the LORD came to Isaiah: "Go, tell Hezekiah: Thus says the LORD, the God of your father David: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears. I will heal you: in three days you shall go up to the LORD'S temple; I will add fifteen years to your life. I will rescue you and this city from the hand of the king of Assyria; I will be a shield to this city." Isaiah then ordered a poultice of figs to be taken and applied to the boil, that he might recover. Then Hezekiah asked, "What is the sign that I shall go up to the temple of the LORD?" (Isaiah answered:) "This will be the sign for you from the LORD that he will do what he has promised: See, I will make the shadow cast by the sun on the stairway to the terrace of Ahaz go back the ten steps it has advanced." So the sun came back the ten steps it had advanced.
The song of Hezekiah, king of Judah, after he had been sick and had recovered from his illness: Once I said, "In the noontime of life I must depart! To the gates of the nether world I shall be consigned for the rest of my years." I said, "I shall see the LORD no more in the land of the living. No longer shall I behold my fellow men among those who dwell in the world." My dwelling, like a shepherd's tent, is struck down and borne away from me; You have folded up my life, like a weaver who severs the last thread. Day and night you give me over to torment; I cry out until the dawn. Like a lion he breaks all my bones; (day and night you give me over to torment). Like a swallow I utter shrill cries; I moan like a dove. My eyes grow weak, gazing heavenward: O Lord, I am in straits; be my surety! What am I to say or tell him? He has done it! I shall go on through all my years despite the bitterness of my soul. Those live whom the LORD protects; yours. . . the life of my spirit. You have given me health and life; thus is my bitterness transformed into peace. You have preserved my life from the pit of destruction, When you cast behind your back all my sins. For it is not the nether world that gives you thanks, nor death that praises you; Neither do those who go down into the pit await your kindness. The living, the living give you thanks, as I do today. Fathers declare to their sons, O God, your faithfulness. The LORD is our savior; we shall sing to stringed instruments In the house of the LORD all the days of our life.

Hello - 30 August

Hi everyone. Jo and I had a busy weekend. We attended the 4th Saturday Healing mass at CSC last saturday. It was also a celebration of Fr. Gino's 50th year of his priestly Golden Jubilee. It was a grace fill celebration. The Archbishop, Fr Simon, Fr Bill Heng and Fr William celebrated the Eucharist. It was a lovely celebration. Room was packed about 120% of the usual crowd! 'Father, Glorify they son that the son may glorify thee' John 17:1 was on the souvenior card. It was really a beautiful celebration. After communion, Fr Gino prayed for those present and his final words was for all to pray; "Lord Jesus grant me full healing" He was such a humble person and so full of holiness and peace.

I mentioned that there was this nagging ache, caused by the muscle tightness at the back of the neck. It caused the left shoulder blade to ache, the neck to ache and the back of the head to ach too. took Celebrex between Thursday and Sunday, helped some but the ache came back every morning. Decided to see Dr Kong today, he was concern and wanted a brain MRI and spine scan done. Scheduled it for Tuesday 4.15pm and will see him on 1 Sept at 11am. schedule is tight as Dr Kong will be leaving on 1 Sept afternoon for a 3 days conference. I will hold on to Fr Gino's message" Lord Jesus grant me full healing". The MRI will see if there is a need for radiology to be done on the 'growth' in the brain, the last time (2 month ago) there were some small cell, the original 2 from last year had shrunk. The Spine scan is to determine the cause of these aches on the neck and shoulder. I pray for full healing and hold on to God's promise (John 11:4) I hope that some of these sharing and reflection over the past months give glory to God and Jesus.

I am staying positive as that's what God expects of me. I am going for the MRI tomorrow to determine the source of the aches and/or confirm that nothing is wrong. Jo thinks that I am getting too much radiation with these frequent test, I agree but I want to take a proactive step, with a careful doctor that God has given me to do all that's needed to be healed! I cannot sit around and wait,hoping... I believe that I need to take an active step to seek treatment if necessary early to work with God in His plan. I ask that you (and I am grateful to each of you) pray for me and my family that we remain grounded and hold-on to this wonderful faith that the Father has granted and keep us a close loving family. Thank You and God Blessing be upon you.

In closing tonight I wish you Peace and Love of the Father. AMEN

bone scan

Got a call this morning and the bone scan done yesterday was good. No trace of any cancer cells in the bones. Scan was done from head to toes. Praise the Lord. Thank all who prayed with me. God speaks in many ways, yesterday's first reading was from Ezekiel and it was God showing the prophet dry bones and he put life back to them. How appropriate. The messages we get, imagine the first reading was about bones of Israel and how God put life back and here.I waiting to have my bones scanned, He already reassuring that He has promised life. To all, Trust in God and knock me on the head if I forget. Peace be with you.

18 August update - add-on to 16 Aug

Met up with Dr Kong on Tuesday morning. Had the blood test and X-ray done earlier. The blood test result still show that the markers creeping up. The CEA is now 13.2 from 10.2 last month, CA125 from 11.3 to 13.4. The X-ray did not show anything new since the marker increase was low. He however wants to watch closely and look out for signs that may indicate activity of the cancer cell and that Iressa may not be working well anymore. He scheduled me for a bone scan to be done this Friday, to validate if there were any cancer cells in the bones.

I have another blood test scheduled for 13 Sept. Should the CEA markers continue to rise, he wants to do a PET scan again to see activity area and start on Tarceva (a different oral medication) and maybe radiology for the head. Radiology of the head can only be done once, and it carries a risk of possible some memory loss. Therefore he would delay this options unless needed. These are next stage options after Iressa. My desire is for the Cancer markers to stablize, come down and go away. It is such a toll on Jo.

I will keep you posted and ask for your prayers to continue to Trust God and hold on to my Faith. Pray for Jo too, she is under much pressure and stress too taking care of the family and trying to cope with what's happening.

I want to share something that happened during mass yesterday. It was the Feast of the Assumption of Mary. During homily, the picture of being immersed in River Jordon was very vivid. Being held under the water, eyes open and observing the greenish water, small fished, looking beyond the water level the trees and the bright sun. It was blissful but I felt 'dead' and after taking in these scenes I was pushed up, out of the river to the light. It felt like I was coming back to life, was born again and given a new life. I was very grateful for this baptism experience of dying and coming back fully alive. This was the point during the pilgrimage, 3 years ago, that I felt was given a new life. I was really happy! However during consecration I was filled with an immense heart-ache. An uncontrollable sadness filled me and tears filled my eyes. As Fr Andrew raise the body and blood, I wanted to focus on Jesus but my eyes made a quick look at the congregation. A quick glance made me feel how sad Jesus must feel, many turned to their family/children next to them, others chatting etc at this very special moment of the Eucharistic celebration. I felt that no-one was paying attention. How ungrateful we all are, coming to church on Sunday for mass, calling ourselves Catholics and oblivious to this very special moment. I really felt very heavy hearted and tears in my eyes.

I thank God for calling me to the pilgrimage three years ago and giving me the very special moment then and now. I also want to thank my fellow pilgrims that have become close family and continue to pick me up along my journey. No word can express my thankfulness to Fr Terence, I borrowed the expression from Karen Ko, 'who continues to till the soil and prunes the thorns month after month so that I can continue to response as a disciple.